Once Upon a Time in TubeLand
Once upon a time there was a quaint yet lovely kingdom called TubeLand. In those times TubeLand had bountiful resources and a youthful, energetic population, and the people of TubeLand were good and creative, applying their talents to create wondrous works of art, education and entertainment for the benefit of the public at large. The TubeLand palace was unusual. Unlike other structures in the kingdom the TubeLand palace had no doors. This lack of doors let the designers of TubeLand abandon the tedious constraints of doors and door frames, resulting in wonderful portals both in terms of their beauty and their function. This uncommon openness allowed the people of TubeLand to come and go with utter freedom. That in turn supported and enhanced their creativity, making the people of TubeLand ever more prosperous.The people breathed the fresh, open air in their doorless castle, gazing out to the horizon and up to the heavens. Creative young people from throughout the empire heard about TubeLand and came to ply their wisdom and creativity.
The ruler of TubeLand was wise and just and she was much respected and admired by her people. She saw that TubeLand was good, and so to help it grow she appointed a cadre of public ministers. Those ministers went forth and built new patios and new pavilions, always respecting the traditions of TubeLand and the guidance of the ruler, and TubeLand grew and it prospered.
As TubeLand grew and prospered it was crowded at times, and the newness began to fade, and people began to notice problems. One day as the ruler met with her ministers one of them exclaimed “Where did all these flies come from?” Another minister added “I think I saw a mouse.” The ruler of TubeLand was concerned for the well being of her people and none too fond of vermin. She noticed the palace sanitation engineer at the back of the hall, busily clearing the refuse that had accumulated around an overflowing trash receptacle. She summoned him: “Good sanitation engineer of TubeLand, what make you of these flies and vermin?”
The sanitation engineer turned slowly and, with utmost decorum, replied “Sire, we inhabit an exquisite palace, but it has no doors.”
Gasps and chatter erupted in the court. While the ministers certainly all knew the palace had no doors, by custom they never spoke critically of the palace, especially not in public and never before the ruler. “Indeed” she said. While she was none too pleased with his observation, she recognized his honesty. The ruler was a person of reason and mindful of the difference between the message and the messenger. “And how might you rid the palace of these vermin?”
The sanitation engineer thought for a moment and then he said “With your permission, sire, I would install doors on the walls facing the pasture.”
At this suggestion there was an uproar among the ministers. Amidst the confusion the Minister of Creativity cried out “Please sire no! This simple man does not comprehend the culture of TubeLand. Such barriers would hamper the artistic spirit of our creative community. Already, there are those among us who are tempted by rumors of a better lot in the palace of Faceville, yonder to the north. It is said to be even more open than our own! We cannot compete if we are closed. We must stay open and free!”
The ruler was inclined to agree and so to the sanitation engineer she said “I am not fond of doors. Do you have any other ideas?”
The sanitation engineer replied “Well, perhaps I could set traps for small vermin at all entrances, concealed to preserve the beauty of Palace and the pleasure of the people. We could purchase citronella candles and torches and place them around the exterior walls. With your permission sire I would also hire new sanitation engineers so that we might empty the refuse bins and clean the palace twice each day.
After due reflection the ruler said “This is a good plan.” And she proclaimed “I hereby appoint thee Director of Sanitation Engineering. Please commence immediately to hire these engineers and to rid us of these flies and vermin.”
The flies and vermin were thick indeed but the newly appointed Director of Sanitation Engineering was able and he hired a handy team. They rolled up their sleeves and worked with zeal and soon the files were few and the vermin nowhere to be seen.
I hope you enjoyed this first adventure in TubeLand. Until the next installment, please check out the rest of my tour of modern Medievalism by genre: sci-fi satire and non-fiction essay.
